In our family we practice what is called "Attachment Parenting" and live a "crunchy" lifestyle.Don't know what that is? Read below! :)
"The essence of Attachment Parenting is about forming and nurturing strong connections between parents and their children. Attachment Parenting challenges us as parents to treat our children with kindness, respect and dignity, and to model in our interactions with them the way we'd like them to interact with others."
In our family attachment parenting and the "crunchy" lifestyle go together. Therefore I will be explaining each separately. Before I start, I would like to make a small disclaimer:
{Some of my views may be different than yours. This is not meant to be demeaning to others who choose to parent differently than I do. I do not/will not judge another mothers/fathers parenting styles. Everyone is completely different, and I respect that.}
ATTACHMENT PARENTING
While the roots of attachment parenting are in ancient tribal society and modern science, attachment parenting has no script. It's all about trusting the baby and being responsive. It's practical and personal.
"I like to think of attachment parenting as a beautiful tree, and like all trees - there are branches we can hold onto as parents. Not every branch is for everyone.
The seven principals are tools not a script.
Notice we use the term “tools” rather than “steps.” Tools are things you use to complete a job. The better the tools, the easier and the better you can do the job. With tools you can pick and choose which of those fit your personal parent-child relationship. Steps imply that you have to use all the steps to get the job done. That is not the case when practicing attachment parenting."
1.) Bonding After Birth
When Kaiden was born I wanted skin to skin contact. I wasn't able to get that until several hours later due to the cord having been around his neck and immediately after that I started hemorrhaging. Once I did finally hold him in my arms I felt so much better and so did he.
The way baby and parents get started with one another helps the early attachment unfold. The days and weeks after birth are a sensitive period in which mothers and babies want to be close to one another. A close attachment after birth and beyond allows the natural, attachment-needing behaviors of the infant and the caregiving qualities of the mother to come together. Both members of this biological pair get off to the right start at a time when the infant is most needy and the mother is most ready to nurture.
“What if something happens to prevent our immediate bonding?”
Sometimes medical complications keep you and your baby apart for a while, just play catch-up. Easy as that. Birth bonding is not like instant glue that cements the mother-child relationship together forever. Bonding is a series of steps in your lifelong growing together with your child. Immediate bonding simply gives the parent-infant relationship a head start.
2.) Exclusive/Long Term Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding helps you read your baby’s cues and body language, which is the first step in getting to know your baby. Breastmilk contains unique brain-building nutrients that cannot be manufactured or bought. Breastfeeding promotes the right chemistry between mother and baby by stimulating your body to produce prolactin and oxytocin, hormones that give your mothering a boost.
If you cannot breastfeed it's OK! This is where the misconception's start. Just because you do not breastfeed does not mean you "aren't aloud" to practice attachment parenting. There are plenty of other ways to bond with your newborn, and do not beat yourself up because it wasn't for you. Trust me, your baby will be just as attached.
3.) "Baby Wearing"
A baby learns a lot in the arms of a busy mother. Carried babies fuss less and spend more time in the state of "quiet alertness" in which babies learn most about their environment. Babywearing improves the sensitivity of the parents. Because your baby is so close to you, you get to know baby better. Closeness promotes familiarity.
4.) Co-Sleeping
Wherever all family members get the best night’s sleep is the right arrangement for your individual family. Co-sleeping adds a nighttime touch that helps busy daytime parents reconnect with their infant at night. Since nighttime is scary time for little people, sleeping within close touching and nursing distance minimizes nighttime separation anxiety and helps baby learn that sleep is a pleasant state to enter and a fearless state to remain in.
Kaiden and I have slept in the same bed from the first day home from the hospital up until he started crawling. We had to stop for a while because he learned to crawl and would wake up and crawl off the edge of the bed without making a sound. Soon after he learned how to crawl off the bed backwards without hurting himself but I was still hesitant about trying that again. Now he sleeps in a little bed in our room and generally crawls into bed with us. Although not often because a queen bed can barely fit a pregnant woman, her pillows, and her husband. Adding a squirmy toddler who kicks at night is a dangerous uncomfortable mix.
5.) Responding To ALL Of Baby's Crys
A baby’s cry is a signal designed for the survival of the baby and the development of the parents. Responding sensitively to your baby’s cries builds trust. Babies trust that their caregivers will be responsive to their needs. Parents gradually learn to trust in their ability to appropriately meet their baby’s needs. This raises the parent-child communication level up a notch. Tiny babies cry to communicate, not to manipulate.
Toddlers generally have some ways to communicate but do not know how to express emotions. This is one major thing I have noticed with Kaiden. He will get upset and throw or hit. This is not because he wants to hurt anything or anyone. He just does not know the proper way of handling what he is feeling. When you get angry or upset, over the years, we have learned how to voice that feeling or deal with it in an appropriate manner. Before he can act in an appropriate manner he must first understand what he is feeling and why. As a toddler his age, he is not yet capable of that kind of a thought process on his own. So when a toddler acts out you have to recognize why he is acting the way he is and explain to him how he feels and how to respond to that particular emotion. He will undoubtedly not pick it up the first time you tell him, of course. Just be patient.
6.) Going Against The Grain
Attachment parenting teaches you how to be discerning of advice, especially those extreme parenting styles that teach you to watch a clock or a schedule instead of your baby; you know, the cry-it-out crowd. This “convenience” parenting is a short-term gain, but a long-term loss, and is not a wise investment. These more restrained styles of parenting create a distance between you and your baby and keep you from becoming an expert in your child.
7.) Remembering Yourself & Others Too
In your zeal to give so much to your baby, it’s easy to neglect the needs of yourself and your relationships. As you will learn the key to putting balance in your parenting is being appropriately responsive to your baby – knowing when to say “yes” and when to say “no,” and having the wisdom to say “yes” to yourself when you need help.
This is a hard one to accomplish, especially early on, because babies take a lot of time and energy. It's hard not to forget about others and even harder than that to not forget about yourself. I remember the first few months I was so busy caring about Kaiden's needs I forgot to use the restroom and shower..
MORE ABOUT ATTACHMENT PARENTING:
- Attachment Parenting is a starter style. There may be medical or family circumstances why you are unable to practice all of these baby B’s. Attachment parenting implies first opening your mind and heart to the individual needs of your baby, and eventually you will develop the wisdom on how to make on-the-spot decisions on what works best for both you and your baby. Do the best you can with the resources you have – that’s all your child will ever expect of you. These baby B’s help parents and baby get off to the right start. Use these as starter tips to work out your own parenting style – one that fits the individual needs of your child and your family. Attachment parenting helps you develop your own personal parenting style.
- Attachment Parenting is an approach, rather than a strict set of rules. It’s actually the style that many parents use instinctively. Parenting is too individual and baby too complex for there to be only one way. The important point is to get connected to your baby, and the baby B’s of attachment parenting help. Once connected, stick with what is working and modify what is not. You will ultimately develop your own parenting style that helps parent and baby find a way to fit – the little word that so economically describes the relationship between parent and baby.
- Attachment Parenting is responsive parenting. By becoming sensitive to the cues of your infant, you learn to read your baby’s level of need. Because baby trusts that his needs will be met and his language listened to, the infant trusts in his ability to give cues. As a result, baby becomes a better cue-giver, parents become better cue-readers, and the whole parent-child communication network becomes easier.
EARTHY CRUNCHY MAMA
(urthee kruhn-chee mah-muh)
-noun, earth·y crunch·y ma·ma
- a person who is environmentally, health, and socially conscious.
- a parent who fosters a strong, positive bond with their children through natural living.
What Is a Crunchy Mom? Crunchy? Granola? Green? Hippy? Whatever you want to call it, there are as many definitions for “crunchy mom” as there are moms. Unfortunately, the thing about labels is that they are not always very useful, especially when everyone has a different idea about what those labels represent. So, instead of telling you a crunchy mom does this or doesn't do that, let's define what a "crunchy mom" is to me.
A "crunchy mom" is one who is willing to go against the grain and do what is best for her child.
She willingly does her own research for pregnancy and birth, breastfeeding and baby wearing, vaccines and solid foods.
Because of her research and her dedication to give her baby the absolute best of everything, a "crunchy mom" may have a natural birth, practice extended breastfeeding, baby wearing, and baby led weaning.
A crunchy mom will do her own extensive research regarding vaccines, if any, her child will receive.
Crunchy moms normally practice attachment parenting, co-sleeping, and that allowing their child to cry it out, may do more harm than good.
Crunchy moms children normally whip out organic apples as all the other children eat oreos.
Crunchy moms have a strength all their own, as they often have to pick their battles with friends and family over these issues.
Crunchy moms support all moms, even if their opinions differ.
They believe in encouraging every mom and they understand that each mom has different needs and even different beliefs.
Personally, being a crunchy mom is about going tons of research.
Every day we learn something new and that something new that may change the way we parent as crunchy moms.
As many have said before, if we know better, we do better.
